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One.More.Time. With Feeling

April 15, 2017

That is what this is about…

Been four years and more since I met this old friend. We kind of parted ways. Blue Sunride came to symbolise whatever that was wrong with my life. Sometimes we chop off the hand that holds us the tightest through shit. It is self-destruction. It is the only way that we can feel powerful.

So why I have returned to the lair?

Someone reminded me that it existed. The Last Commentor on ‘Who Me?’, To Be or Not To Be- You brought me back to the surface.

I dealt with shit and it is out of my life, for now. For how long, I do not know but from here till then, I am relearning to breathe. I am going to live while I can.

Sometimes, the violence is not visible.. Sometimes people violate our hearts and souls. Sometimes the damage hides beneath layers of overwhelming shame and excessive self-doubt but does that deny its unapologetic reality? I have no scars to show for the abuse I experienced so does that negate it? Where do I go for justice? Is there any?

While this is a period of magnificent transformation for me, I am hurting. Deeply. In ways and degrees that I cannot put into words. Hell is here, in my mind.

What gives me strength to deal with this is that I AM MY OWN SAVIOUR, my own knight in shining armour, my own God. I was and I stay INVINCIBLE.

 

PS: The next few posts maybe depressive. I make no apologies for that. I just have to get all this out of my system so that I can heal.

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